Anonymous ask me!!!: how were you almost kidnapped 3 times?!!!!

richgf:

okay so the first time i was at home and it was like 2am and this guy broke in our house and told my mom that he was going to take me and if she called the police he would shoot me but luckily our neighbor (he is a cop) woke up when he heard my mom scream and he came  over with handcuffs and arrested him and the other guy that was waiting in the car and then the second time we were at shell the gas station and this guy told me that i could have one of his kittens that were in the back of his truck and he picked me up and tried to put me in the front seat but my mom came out and pepper sprayed him and then the last time was when i was like  7 and my dad brought me to this party at his friends house  and they were all drunk and on lsd and shit and there was this old lady next door and she was like come here and i was like okay whatever and she brought me inside and i saw she had creme savers and i was like aw yes jackpot and she called her husband up from the basement and they were asking me all types of questions like where is your mom and dad and they asked me if i wanted to play with the other kids and i was like no thanks i just want to eat these candies and then my uncle roger knocked on the door bc he saw me come in and then the husband offered him some cocaine or meth or something and he was like no im just going to take my niece and leave and they were like im sorry i cant let you do that and he was like wtf and then the old lady pulled out a knife from the drawer and then my uncle pused her and we ran out the door so basically i had a really wild childhood

firebendings:

skarchomp:

Remember that episode of Jimmy Neutron where the ending implied that at least the entire episode if not the whole series was the nightmare of a sentient pizza pie

image

I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THIS

volanus:

primeribofamerica:

ITS TOO EARLY

Its never too early to jingle your bells

every romantic teen movie

maurypovichofficial:

*girl plays acoustic guitar and sings*

guy: wow…you’re..you’re amazing you can really sing

girl: :) thanks. i haven’t sang since my mom died

compliment:

do you ever want to sleep for 14 years without waking up

metidation:

r u ever like damn i hate my body but then ur like life is an illusion i’m floatin around on a rock trapped in an orbit around a ball of flame in a vast & largely unknown universe where death is unescapable who gives a shit ???

sammybitchfacewinchester:

fricken-nuggets:

fricken-nuggets:

Whats red and bad for your teeth?

a brick

well you’re not wrong

❝ why the fuck am i crying ❞

kaylahraquel:

biinarykid:

wtfrobin:

oflivingthings:

Snow White. Bengal. Golden. White.

Oh hell yeah this is the coolest picture ever

looks like God ran out of printer ink

It’s they know they the shit